Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Blood and glitter go together right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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