i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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