You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
