I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
