Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
