I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
