You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
