First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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