dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
