i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
