Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
