Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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