So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
