This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
