True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
