She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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