I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dignity is for republicans.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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