i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
