i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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