sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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