I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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