my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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