dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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