In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
