btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
