It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
