How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
