btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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