So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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