i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
