Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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