happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
