y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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