How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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