I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
