Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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