Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
