I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
