She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
