she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
