I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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