Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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