I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
