Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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