Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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