i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
