Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
