nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
