It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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