Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
