you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just high enough for therapy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
