He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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