just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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