you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
