My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
