This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
